Lately this whole idea about the judgments we make has been clanking around in my head. Everywhere I turn, I’m seeing and learning about what judging others – and ourselves for that matter – does to us.

Growing up, I was sometimes called “stuck-up.” I wasn’t sure if the judgments people made were based on the fact that my family was wealthy or that I was a dancer and my carriage reflected that image, if it was a protective facade I had fashioned to cover the pain I felt, or if I was just, well, unacceptable in general.

As the years went by, I thought I’d shed that image. After all, I’ve lived a modest lifestyle, have retired from dance, and have really lived a relationship-based life of connection and increasing understanding of others and myself.

But the other day someone told me that I had a very off-putting look about me, or way of carrying myself. (It’s a blur what she actually said, and I’m not going to call her for a direct quote.) It brought me back emotionally to the hurt of those days of being labeled as something that didn’t resonate with what I felt on the inside.

I know I’m not alone. No doubt you’ve experienced the judgment of others, have been characterized unfairly, misunderstood, and likely still are by some. I’m also sure that you’ve stood as judge over someone else, just as I have. And to be fair, we do need to make certain judgments in order to navigate life successfully.

But I’ve come to understand that I must be merciful toward others in order to receive mercy. I like to remember to be in the questioning-space when I’m tempted to judge, but I am often not quiet enough, or in-the-moment enough, to navigate to that place.

I’ve been studying a method called “Buying Facilitation®,” pioneered by Sharon Drew Morgan. In fact, I recently wrote an article for Skin Deep Magazine and did an interview with her that I planned to include in my piece. But she said things to me during the interview like, “Is this question about the article, or are you just trying to get free business advice? I do charge for consulting you know.” I was so put off by her attitude and telephone demeanor that I decided not to include the interview in the article.

But I kept receiving her blog posts by email every couple of days, and was still gleaning some good info. Then the other day I got a post from her that included this excerpt:

“I suspect I’ve done a bad job helping mainstream sales understand how Buying Facilitation® offers sellers tools to help buyers navigate through their behind-the-scenes decisions and why it’s a necessary part of the sales process. I’m guessing that it might have taken a non-Asperger’s person less time (with more success) to get the thinking into the field. Maybe someone less pushy, or less obnoxious, less direct, or less annoying - all traits of my Asperger’s that I’ve spent decades learning to contain (sometimes successfully, when I’m aware), but are impossible to eliminate.”

So, there you have it. I’ve been judged and I’ve judged. Her back-story is that she has a disease that affects her social interactions. (Who’d have guessed?)

A while back, I listened to a CD by Dr. Wayne Dyer with co-host Byron Katie. She is a hoot! And the truth she tells has changed my thinking in so many ways:

“Our job is unconditional love. The job of everyone else in our life is to push our buttons.”

Mother Teresa says: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them. ”

Can you believe the sermon title at church this week was “Judging Others,” and one of the key scriptures used was from Romans, which says this: “Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself.”

Sometimes it’s important to remember that inner loveliness and well-being are just as important as physical beauty and wellness.

Thanks for reading. See you at the spa!

Actress Lily Jane Collins is 23, was born in Guildford, England, and is the daughter of  musician Phil Collins. I recently saw her in Mirror Mirror with Julia Roberts (which I’d give three  stars).

Lily’s brows, as seen in the movie, were a real distraction for me. I can’t imagine why they’d draw so much attention to one feature and create such a big, dark, bold brow with the natural, youthful makeup she wore.

Oh well, her brows are simply gorgeous here with the perfect makeup and dress. Notice how the head (fan) of the brow is more mid-line than the traditional brow placement above the tear duct? Nice and full, well shaped, but not overdone.

See you at the spa!

Article from the International Dermal Institute

“Twenty years ago, the concept of sun protection was to prevent sunburn from UVB rays. There was no international SPF test, sun products had virtually no protection against UVA -there were only two sunscreens classed as UVA filters- and there was no concept of photo stability applied to sun care products. The goal was to get a golden tan and enhance it as much as possible (ahem baby oil users!) instead of protecting from future damage.

Today is a vastly different environment when it comes to sun protection. We know a lot more today about UVA rays than we ever did, and sun protection products are much more sophisticated. Regulations have finally caught up with the science, backing sunscreens as effective methods to prevent early skin aging. Last year’s FDA statement covered some ground on testing and labeling of sunscreens- and this goes into effect June 2012.

I’ve summarized the key points below:

• If the product passes FDA’s tests for both UVB and UVA, it can be labeled as ‘broad spectrum’. Previously, only UVB protection was tested, which is where the SPF value comes from. Look for ‘broad spectrum’ on the label for maximum protection.

• If a ‘broad-spectrum’ product has a minimum of SPF15 and is used regularly along with other sun-protection measures (clothing, shade), then these products can state on the label that they not only help prevent sunburn, but also reduce the risk of cancer and reduce signs of early skin aging.

• No more ‘sunblock,’ ‘sweatproof’ or ‘waterproof’ claims. Instead FDA will allow “water resistant (40minutes)” or “extra water resistant (80minutes)” as relevant.

• Remember to apply at least every two hours, especially if swimming or sweating.

• From now on, all sunscreen products must include standard ‘drug facts’ information, on the back and/or side of the container. Look for this panel on the package for detailed information.

Of course change doesn’t occur suddenly so these are things to look forward this year, with additional changes in the future. Some issues that FDA will look at in the coming years include investigating whether some delivery methods are valid ways of delivering UV protection. These forms are eligible for inclusion in the future OTC sunscreen monograph: oils, lotions, creams, gels, butters, pastes, ointments, sticks and sprays. We should point out that sprays may be delisted pending FDA requested safety and efficacy testing. While spray sunscreens are easy to use, most people don’t use enough (you need at least a shot glass of the cream kind so imagine how much you really need to spray!). For now, the FDA will require an extra safety warning for sprays to ensure proper application. Other popular forms of sunscreen delivery, such as powders and wipes, are currently considered ineligible for inclusion in the sunscreen monograph. Since there is no hard evidence showing that really high SPF numbers are significantly better, FDA is proposing to cap SPF values at 50 – that means no more SPF 100! This is all still a work in progress, but it shows that government agencies are putting work into regulating the fast-paced world of over-the-counter drugs in cosmetics.

So what’s the difference between a drug-store sunscreen and a professional skin care product with sunscreen? It all lies in the formulation. Both will legally have the same sun protection, since they must adhere to US FDA (or other regulatory body’s) rules. But the world of skin care is also based on research and sometimes makes changes faster than governmental rules ie: broad spectrum protection has been around for many years before it became a labeling possibility. We know that protecting against UVA and UVB rays is only part of the problem when it comes to photoaging. Free radical formation is also a major culprit- professional skin care products with sunscreens are more likely to have higher levels of antioxidants along with broad-spectrum UV protection for maximum skin health benefits. Formulators of professional products can also enhance products to provide more benefits around specific skin conditions. They will also take into account the feel and texture of the product, so you are sure to get sheer, non-greasy formulas that deliver the same amount of sun protection as any basic sunscreen but formulated with ingredients that maximize skin health and prevent future damage.

The main point of this is to remember that sunscreen is not fool-proof. Be sun aware, especially when outside for long periods of time, either in summer or hitting the slopes in winter. And remember, in order to get the actual SPF designated on the package you must apply a full teaspoon of product to your face or a shot glass to your body… So enjoy the summer – but be sun aware!”

Tu’el Cleansing Oil and Herbalizer by Eva’s Esthetics  is my favorite way to cleanse the skin. It is like having an at-home  spa experience every night. This innovative two-step cleansing system features natural elements like fresh smelling mandarin oil, calming chamomile extract, healing extracts of arnica, and purifying grapefruit extract. You can experience it all in the Mother’s Day Special Offer this month!

Nothing cleans the skin like hydrophilic oil. Oil cleansers balance your skin and prepare it for exfoliation, hydration, absorption of nutrients, and protection.

As skin cells die, they lose moisture, flatten, and migrate to the skin’s surface. The face excretes a very sticky substance known as sebum that bonds to dead skin cells. In order for these cells to be released, this oily sebum must be dissolved.

When hydrophilic oil is massaged into the skin, it bonds with the sebum and releases the dead cells. This release of the dead layer of skin achieves exceptional pore cleansing and decongestion and a more refined skin appearance. Adding the correct Herbalizer, a sugar-based extract with essential oils, creates a custom cleansing system. This unique method balances the skin and eliminates the need for astringents or toners.

There are four custom formulations of Cleansers and five Herbalizers based on this cleansing system to ensure that, regardless of your skin type – dry, combination, oily, impure, or reactive – your skin will feel the profound difference of cleansing with Tu’eL.

If you’re new to Star Brows, you may not know about The Product Feature or Rewards yet. To put it simply, 10% of all your product purchases, all the time, go toward free Service Enhancements, like Raindrop Therapy, Lash Tint, Chemical Peels, or Star Massage.

When a product is the Monthly Feature, however, you’ll get 20% back in Rewards! The Cleansing Oil ($28) and Herbalizer ($23) duo are  $51 with $10 in Rewards.

See you at the spa!

Mothers everywhere, we celebrate you. And a special thanks to our four children, Valery (shown here with her son, Bronson), Angela, Joseph, and Gina for making me the happiest mom (and now grand-mom)  in the whole world.

We’d love to treat you and someone you love to some me-time, since being a mom means you don’t get much of that.

Mother’s Day Spa Special

Arrive a couple of minutes early so you can get settled and relax for a few minutes in the quiet environment of the spa, and plan on staying for about an-hour-and-a-half.

When you enter the treatment room, you will feel the warm air provided by state-of-the-art radiant heat in the treatment rooms. You’ll smell calming essential oils and be enveloped by the soft candlelight and music.

As you climb under crisp, clean, warmed sheets your body’s curves will be cradled by special contoured bodyCushions.

Detoxifying and de-stressing drops of essential oils will be applied along your spine (Raindrop Therapy), to coax your body into a state of bliss and calm, followed by a back massage given at just the right pressure for you. When the knots are eased, you turn over and the Star Massage begins with Tu’el’s Cleansing Oils and Herbalizers chosen for your skin type. Puffiness, sinus pressure, jaw tension and all signs of stress dissipate from your face, neck, and shoulders - mmm, who knew it could feel this good?

Now the facial begins with warmed towels, gentle steam, and special masks and scrubs designed to alleviate your skin’s concerns.

And don’t forget those hard working hands and feet. They will be meticulously worked out, every finger and every toe rubbed until they are eased. Your feet will be wrapped in warm towel-like booties and a little Craniosacral work will be done to balance your body’s rhythms. Later, plan on relaxing and drinking plenty of water with slices of organic lemons to complete a perfect experience.

Who knew Star Brows was about more than eyebrow couture? Now’s your chance to see! Limited spaces are available for this special offer, so call now - 805-722-8222  - and mention the Mother’s Day Spa Special.

It’s not on the menu and is specially priced at $120 ($177 value). Offer expires on May 31^.

See you at the spa!

My new friend Sarah Crosby, from Grateful Threads, joined in to treat our winner like a queen by providing an outfit. (The picture on the left was taken before she headed down the street to Sarah.)

We had a simple mission: to honor a local woman who personifies the struggles and triumphs of the everyday woman, an idea best expressed in a quote from Gail: “It’s a great life if you just don’t weaken.”

In the photo are our winner, Gail Case (middle), and the woman who nominated her, Robin Patchett (right). Gail bought Robin her first Bible and was a second mom to her. Her story is one of faith and courage with an extra dose of humor.

Gail came to the Central Coast with Robin’s mom Lucy, her best friend, in 1974. The girls were real pioneers, striking out with no car, job, or place to live. But Gail’s  life dramatically changed when she embraced her faith.

She had a son who was 12 when she moved here. He then had three boys that grandma Gail helped raise.  Having mainly worked as a bookkeeper and in the medical field, Gail was also active in her church and taught Sunday School. She and Robin eventually drifted apart but were reunited at church years later when Gail was in the choir with Robin’s former mother-in-law. Clearly Robin and Gail were meant to be friends for life.

One year after her friend (Robin’s mom) Lucy tragically died of lung cancer, Gail was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy.  She retired in 2006 with numerous health challenges related to the chemotherapy but is thankful that she has been cancer free for 5-1/2 years now!

Gail loves to read, watch old movies, and write. She belongs to a writing group in SLO and enjoys watching her son and grandsons play softball. And get this! They play on my son-in-law Jonathan’s team. (Mayberry much?) Gail also loves jewelry and has 35 boxes full!

Gail and I had so much fun working together. She is truly a woman of style and grace.  Though she’s had a pretty tough life from the get-go, Gail Case is a brave survivor and a real inspiration to all.

See you at the spa!

I can hardly believe Star Brows has been in its new location for one year!? I’ve gotten busy and I’m loving it, but one thing good ole dad taught me is that what remains flat will head downhill eventually. Like water, which finds the lowest ground naturally. “Oh, you are so happy now. Your business is thriving. Why not bask in that – let well enough alone?” they say.  That kind of thinking reminds me of a person saying “I’m in such great shape, why don’t I just take a break for a year and enjoy it?”

Let’s talk about growing in the area of financial success.  According to Maria Nemeth, Ph.D. author of The Energy of Money, financial success is doing what you said you would do with money consistently with

Clarity – Be clear about what is important to you and has meaning for you. This takes thinking, looking at your values and what you want your legacy to be, and real honesty. No one else can determine what success is for you. If you are going to succeed, you need a road map. Did you ever try going to MapQuest and getting directions somewhere without a destination address?

Focus – Your energy and attention need to be focused where they will do the most good. I’ve never been diagnosed with ADD, but some of my behaviors fit that disorder. My mind is a big-whirling-dervish of thoughts, ideas, and feelings. That’s why I’m writing this post – to focus. Focus and how to keep it is a whole different subject. Suffice it to say for now, you don’t need to dance with every random thought that floats by. If you do, you will never get anywhere.

Ease – Do things the easy way, taking small steps instead of running headlong, getting exhausted, and then being too tired to enjoy your accomplishments at the end of the day. The opposite of ease is struggle, not working harder. This is a tough one! Peace, joy, and gratitude all require a state of ease, and yet ease is as slippery as an eel.  The conundrum is how to be “in action” and still at ease.

Grace – This is linked to your capacity to experience gratitude, to be grateful for what is in front of you right now. That’s it – end of subject. It all boils down to this very basic, fundamental premise: Be grateful – in the moment – for what is now. This state is like a launching pad into change and growth.

I was telling a friend the other day that my Success-O-Meter was at about a 4. “What?” she said, “You’re so hard on yourself. You work harder on your business than most people I know.” It got me to thinking about what success means to me and how I can redefine it so I feel ease instead of anxiety about it. So I ask myself – and now you – these questions:

1. Know yourself. What are you passionate about? What are your talents and gifts? What brings you joy and gives you energy?

2. Treat work like your life – not as separate from it. Are you tapping into your natural gifts to make a living? If not, it makes me wonder how happy eight hours (more or less) of your day are.

3. Change is the unalterable norm. If you are doing what you are passionate about, ask yourself – are you treating it like a living, breathing entity that changes and grows as you do? You may  be doing exactly what you want to do, but you’re not making enough money or it’s getting stale and you are bored with it (or don’t feel the energy needed to keep at it).

4. Don’t listen to the negative “voices” within. In the book, The Energy of Money, the author refers to the Monkey Mind, like the Gremlins in Taming Your Gremlin, or the Stoicheion in Greg Boyd’s video sermon. This force, entity, mindset, can prove destructive.  That critical, negative, nagging voice inside you that hates growth, enlightenment, change or happiness is always buzzing. We can’t stop it, but we can choose to ignore it, or even have a conversation with it that may look like this: “I know you see my efforts as below average and not good enough, and in some ways I think you’re right. But overall I choose to look at my efforts in this endeavor as successful and I’m patting myself on the back right now for all the hard work I’ve invested!”

5. Don’t be afraid to cross the border.  If reality as we know it were divided into two parts, the top part could be called the physical reality (objects, stuff) and the bottom, the metaphysical reality (intangibles like hopes and dreams).  Between these two realms is a border, and guess who guards it? The entity in #4. Turning your ideas, hopes, and dreams into reality requires that you cross this border, negate or defer the voices of opposition, and set to work step by step toward realizing your dream.

See you at the spa!

I do massage, and I love the work, both the giving and the receiving. I have been getting massage since I was 15. My mom used to sneak me into her health club in MN – The European Health Spa. I’d sip smoothies at the bar, lounge in the pool, bake in the steam room, nap by the pool-side, and luxuriate on the massage table.

I’ve been doing massage professionally since 1994. I started out as an employee at a clinic and moved quickly to self employment. I began hiring therapists in 2000 when I went from one treatment room to five.

I guess it’s been a big circle, as today I am a Solo Spa again and life has never been better!

My Massage/Bodywork Philosophy:

• You need to be completely relaxed in order to enjoy a session. That’s why I use the bodyCushion™ and essential oils.
• Customization of every service I do is essential to a great experience.  I offer Enhancements, which include deep muscle work and a treatment I developed called Star Massage: A facial, neck, and scalp treatment using aesthetic and massage techniques. Clears sinuses, reduces puffiness, and brightens skin tone. The service is customized to each individual skin type to relieve swelling, waste in the tissues, and holding patterns that create tension and lines on the face.
• Some people want the work so deep that it is actually harmful. While I am able to work deeply into the body’s fascia, I only work as deep as the body itself allows.
• I studied Esalen, Craniosacral, Myofascial Release, and Zen Shiatsu. The Shiatsu training was a private apprenticeship with an instructor over an intensive, daily, three month period. It taught me one of the most important lessons that is the hallmark of my practice: The Western therapist and client usually wants neck, shoulder and back work predominately, but the work really needs to be focused on the lower body to achieve real balance.
• As a former professional dancer and movement educator of twenty plus years I believe that movement is the number one remedy for what ails the physical body. Analyzing how an individual moves and helping them maximize their potential and ease, has been a lifetime study.

Here’s what Star Brows clients have said:

“Linda does amazing body work. I have been to many therapists over the years and she is definitely an expert in her field. I would not hesitate to recommend her.” Steve Tullius - Chiropractor

“I received a pre-natal massage that I can still remember almost three years later” Allegra Birtcher Parreira – Workin’ Wife & Mama

“Linda takes a massage experience from the ordinary to the extraordinary! I felt instantly at ease with her the first time we met. She made me feel welcome and comfortable. She spent time asking me where my problem areas were and what concerns I had. Her spa is private, cozy, and warm. Linda’s gifts are her intuitiveness, technique, and knowledge of anatomy. She combines these beautifully and expertly!” Marilyn Rivas Tate – Photographer

See you at the spa!

• Professional precision
• Matte finish for non-slip grip
• Ultra-thin tips easily lift the hair, while perfectly hand-filed tips give you the best grip
• Lightweight
• Soft-tension, specially engineered to reduce strain on your fingers
• Stainless Steel
• Lifetime company guarantee

Linda Ruberto is the owner of Star Brows, a solo spa on California’s Central Coast. She has been in practice since 1995. Linda has transformed the look of thousands of clients with her signature eyebrow design approach and has employed and mentored hundreds of beauty professionals.

She has published articles in some of the skincare industry’s premier magazines, and writes a beauty and wellness blog at Starbrows.com.

Her professional credentials include a Certified Massage Practitioner certification from the California Massage Therapy Council and a California State Licensed Esthetician credential. Linda is also a member of Associated Skin Care Professionals and Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals.

Linda’s Philosophy:

I operate from the notion that every woman wants to be treated like a star. Every service I do includes a touch of spa luxury, and every client is a VIP.

The term Beauty Therapist best describes my professional role. Like my mentor, the fabulous late David Starr, I really need to feel and know the heart of each individual woman to bring out her beauty and create the perfect look and experience just for her.

My premier offerings, Couture Eyebrow Design and Heather Gardner jewelry, reflect my belief in luxury, haute couture, and personalized service. Once a woman’s brows are perfect, her makeup is just right, and she’s totally relaxed, slipping on a gorgeous pair of earrings or the perfect necklace helps bring out each woman’s unique beauty.

I’ve made it my personal mission to eradicate the term Anti-Aging from the industry at large. The age-biased beauty propaganda our culture espouses and directs toward women through the media needs to change. Aging is inevitable, aging women are spectacular, and really, isn’t Healthy Aging the desired outcome for us all?

“Many thanks to Juliana and Barry, LaVaque Professional’s owners, for honoring industry artists! I appreciate their receptiveness to those of us who earn our living with their fabulous tools and products. What genius to come up with tweezers that are friendly to the repetitive use issues facing industry professionals.” –Linda Ruberto